Here stands a battered Mama. Flo has well and truly hit the Threenager stage and she really does mean business! She has a face of an angel but the temper of the Hulk and a right hook that Mike Tyson himself would be proud of. Little Miss Defiant just doesn’t like to be told what to do and bedtime particularly is becoming absolute hell on earth. The girls are currently sharing a room which hasn’t helped as they egg each other on, so the fact that they will have separate rooms, once the loft conversion is complete, is my light at the end of the tunnel.

Ever since Flo was a baby, I could tell that she was going to have a temper, but boy is she letting it rip lately, she gets so enraged that she has started to lash out. Tonight, at 7pm, I had the absolute cheek to tell the girls that it’s bedtime, but because they were playing nicely, they could continue their game in their room, if they played quietly and calmly. This was a complete red flag to Flo and she went bananas. She hit, kicked, scratched and threw toys at me, I stayed calm, pulled her in close, held her arms down, whilst reminding her that it’s not ok to hit Mummy.

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Bella feared for her life and I was worried that Flo would start on her big Sister, so she was escorted safely to my room to wait for Storm FloJo to pass. Unfortunately this peed Flo off even more so she upped her tantrum up a notch and that’s when she started to lob toys at me. I shut the door for 20 seconds, braced myself and re-entered the war zone, this time when she hit me, I told her that she was hurting Mummy and this somehow snapped her out of it and she threw herself at me for a cuddle.

In a desperate attempt to control my children’s behaviour, I have promised the girls a trip to the cinema if they earn five smiley faces on their chart. If they misbehave however, their smiley face gets crossed off and replaced with a sad face, savage! Flo currently has three smiley faces crossed off and she is now up to four sad faces, hard times! One of the worst things about parenting is having to follow through on threats and if Flo gets one more sad face, I will be taking Bella to the cinema without her, which is going to hurt me more than it hurts her!

This rather epic tantrum earned Flo two unhappy faces on her cinema chart, someone pass me the wine, I’m seriously going to need it. After she had calmed down, we had a chat about how it’s ok to feel angry and frustrated, shout and scream but it’s not ok to lash out. I reminded her about all the fun we have had in Butlins, the lovely toys that was brought for her because she was being such a good girl and that Mummy doesn’t deserved to be slapped around. Flo half heartedly agreed and then continued to hop in and out of bed for another half an hour, before finally going to sleep at 8:40pm!

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I always remember the story my Dad tells me about my Sister and her delaying bedtime tactics and how he used to camp outside her bedroom door and consistently tell her to go back to bed, until she finally gave in. Tomorrow I think I’m going to give it a go and simply put her back to bed and keep doing it until she gives up. Wish me luck people, it’s tough times on the Mothership, but I’m going to ride it out and show her who is boss, children can smell weakness a mile off, so I have got to keep my game face on!

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If you are dealing with a stroppy little miss or mister, I salute you, there aint no hood like motherhood. Being a Mum is the hardest but most rewarding job and here is your reminder that you are doing a bloody amazing job and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! Don’t mind me, I will be putting on my war paint, ready for another day of power struggles, defiance and most likely another bash with a barbie. Pray for me.